Chainsaw massacre

Of tree limbs only if you were concerned.

Florida is subject to hurricanes, and tropical storms, and even tornadoes. Because of this, insurance companies are not always convinced that home insurance is profitable for them. Our heretofore insurance company is moving out of Florida, having ascertained that Florida insurance in general is unprofitable. They are certain that even though hurricanes cause damage, and furthermore that their home insurance allegedly covers those damages that it’s unfair of the purchasers of such insurance to expect them to ante up when it happens.

We might have just let it drop and trusted in Providence for safety. It would have suited our moth-eaten wallets at this point. The mortgage company, however, having invested in our little homestead, insists upon home insurance.

My dear husband (hereafter known as dh) found another company who was glad to insure our vehicles and our home. But, oops. Wait a minute. They did not like the looks of the grand old live oak tree next to the house. It has two great big heavy limbs shading the north end of the house, which may be capable of causing more than a little damage should they unexpectedly divorce themselves from the main trunk.

So, dh spent a couple of days trying to find someone who fulfilled the requirements: they would remove said tree limbs, cut it up into firewood, be insured, and be willing to come to where we live (not that anyone offered to do it from a remote location). A couple of days ago dh instructed me to be home this morning as he had found a tree lopper and they would be showing up early. Also, aforementioned tree lopper needed gas money, so dh got him to dig up one of the palmettos, and to grind up a long dead stump in exchange for gas money.

They showed up this morning, and put me in mind of Jed Clampett’s kin. The first thing they asked for was a ladder so they could get up on the roof??!!??!!!! “It’ll be real noisy,” said the man in charge. “It’ll sound like we’re taking the roof off, and crashing through, but everything’ll be okay.” I checked his insurance papers.

It’s noisy. The dogs are going crazy. The outdoor cats have disappeared for the duration. The indoor cat is deaf and doesn’t give a rip. The man in charge needed some sweet tea (something I had to contrive because no one here drinks it sweet). It has sounded like Armageddon crashing in on us. Looking out the window makes me feel like MacBeth as Birnam Wood advances.

Ah, the joys of living in the Forest in Florida!

Susan Price
[Cross posted on Domystique]


About Susan P

Reader, writer, mother, grandmother, wife, traveler...
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