For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.
But you refused – Isaiah 30:15
Life is full of storms. Occasionally, there is clear weather for a spell, but the storms are always waiting out there, ready to pounce. No matter how hard we try to avoid conflict, (and, trust me, I hate conflict and have done everything possible to avoid it along the way) it will eventually come find us, and try to wear us down.
The storms seem to kick us when we are already down. I don’t deal with the stress and conflict at all well. (Have I mentioned that I hate conflict?) My heart rate increases, my ears ring, I shake, and begin to cry. Being an introvert by nature, when conflict hits, I am unable to address the issues in a logical fashion until I have time to process it s – l – o – w – l – y. Meanwhile it consumes me. I feel stupid.
Sometimes I create my own storms. My overly sensitive conscience, which has been honed and sharpened by legalism, can create storms in my spirit.
My mother passed away last March. She died of Alzheimer Disease and pneumonia. Her body had betrayed her and after she lost her two best friends within several months, she just plain gave up. But, for me, it wasn’t over. I was her appointed Personal Representative, and had to deal with her estate.
It should have been easy. She had very little estate after four years in a nursing home because Medicaid takes everything but $35.00 a month. Sometimes if the medical crew do something extra, that has to come out of pocket. But, her cousin predeceased her, and left her a small bequest. In order to administrate her estate, I had to jump through legal hoops, which cost a bundle. By the time Mom’s bills were paid, and her earthly house was laid to rest, there was not much left.
Mom’s will stated that if there was anything left after all of her obligations were taken care of, and she was buried, whatever might be left should be divided among her four children.
Meanwhile, one of my siblings began insinuating, and then came right out and said it. He thought I had mismanaged Mom’s estate, and he thought my lawyer was a crook. He was certain that Mom had not signed the codicil to her will that made me her personal rep. When I refuted his statements, he called me a liar. Oh, how my inner peace wobbled and fell.
Have I said anything about how much I hate conflict?
two dear friends
one simply prayed,
“Lord, shut his mouth.”
And, He did.
Susan<- makes a mental note about conflict.