Curious Introvert – Extrovert Moments

Four and thirty years ago tomorrow, my husband Harry and I were married. He chose June 30th, thus ensuring that he would never commit a faux pas  as to the actual date. He’s an accountant and likes to arrange his numbers in memorable fashion. A little OCD in there, of course, but it’s all good. He’s never forgotten.

Harry is also an extrovert. He loves him some parties. All kinds of parties. Anytime parties. The longer and bigger the better kinds of parties. I like parties, too. But, as an introvert, I define “party” as getting together with one to three close friends. For a preset limited amount of time.

There have, of course, been a lot of other curious moments in our marriage. Not all of them had to do directly with introvert-extrovert issues, but our way of communicating definitely flowed from those characteristics. There were a lot of “he said she said” complications along the way.

About four years ago, we stopped assuming that we were speaking the same language. A lot of it grew from Harry’s deep and abiding love for me, and his desire to understand and be understood. I came out of my introverted shell and learned to ask for clarification.

I now go to occasional parties with a smile; Harry packs up and we go home when I’ve had enough. Sometimes he goes to a party while I stay home. We’ve found some things that we both enjoy doing, and some things we enjoy doing on our own. And it only took about 30 years. I think he’s a keeper.

June 30, 1979

June 30, 1979

Talk to me. Do you have any stories about introvert-extrovert moments? How did it turn out?


About Susan P

Reader, writer, mother, grandmother, wife, traveler...
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21 Responses to Curious Introvert – Extrovert Moments

  1. billcastro says:

    Congratulations! Love is quite the adventure. My adventure has gone on for over 28 years now…and still going (growing) strong.

  2. Miss Lou says:

    Hi susan *waves* 🙂

    My adoptive parents we an extrovert (mother) introvert (father) couple. They were my first positive role models in ‘romantic relationships’. I used to love the strong silence in my father who would listen patiently and allow my mother to work through her ideas openly, freely expressing her take on things…. always… lol

    They managed things so beautifully, and are the best example I have ever had of adult partnerships, particularly when it comes to introvert/extrovert connections.

    • Susan P says:

      Hi Miss Lou! That sounds like a wonderful family in which to grow up. It took us awhile. Neither of us had stellar relational role models as we grew up. But, we survived. I think it helped that we spent the first 11 years of our marriage in Portugal. Thanks for coming by.

      • Miss Lou says:

        I didn’t meet my adoptive parents until I was 15. Which is what makes their relationship even more remarkable to me as it was the first intimate adult relationship I had been exposed to that didn’t include a range of domestic violence, substance abuse and alcoholism.

        The positive side to that, is I know what it is to experience it bad, and those lessons are just as important as the more positive feeling ones.

  3. Miss Lou says:

    Oh, have you ever heard of the other susan? ‘Susan Cain’? She is an amazingly inspiring ‘introvert’ and did a talk of TED I really recommend you watch. Being an introvert, with spariodic bouts of extrovert-ism… lol I loved it :

    • Susan P says:

      As a matter of fact, I am reading a borrowed copy from my introvert daughter. I planned to get to this video, and here it is without me having to hunt. Thank you.

      • Miss Lou says:

        YAY!! Divine coincidence!

        • Susan P says:

          Indeed. I just watched it. She’s my new hero!

          • Miss Lou says:

            YAY!! She is absolutely awesome isn’t she? I watched it for the first time about 3 months ago and I was floored. All those times I have stolen away and taken a hiatus (I’m talking social hiatus for months), feeling guilty, like there was something in me that needed to be fixed…

            No! I am an introvert (mostly) I have my moments…. but I LOOOVEEEE to ponder, and think and consider things and I love my own company!


            • Susan P says:

              One of the oddest things that has happened to me is that I was hired to teach in a private school because the director of the school liked it that I stopped and thought through her questions before I answered them. Unfortunately, she wanted me to also be extroverted when she brought the parents of potential students. She got really upset when I didn’t live up to her expectations, and scolded me. Of course, prospective parents tend to show up at lunch time or after school. I love teaching, but when the kids left I shut down for the day.

              • Miss Lou says:

                I understand. I really hate sensing that pressure and I try to be considerate of how other people work through their stuff and choose to interact. It’s easier said than done, and not all of us are aware or even aware about the experiences of other people.

  4. Ramona says:

    As an introvert, I always feel like wearing a sign that says, “Hello! Yes, I am okay. I am not mad. I don’t feel the need to reply to every sentence.” I am lucky that my husband is an introvert but for some reason his family is always trying to “bring me out of my shell.” I am just find in my shell. LoL

  5. Charleen says:

    My husband is an extrovert. Six years in and we’ve already realized that it’s better for all involved if he goes to most things on his own. And when I do come with, he knows I won’t want to stay very long.

    Happy anniversary!

    • Susan P says:

      It took us a LOT longer, but then my husband is very high function autism spectrum and comes from a long line of hard-headed people. 😀 (As do I, so there you have it.) Thank you for the anniversary wishes.

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